Judging by the content of today's blogs, you can tell I watched waaaay too much reality television last night.
Anywho, one of the more annoying things about this season of Bravo's Top Chef(and trust me honey, there are many) is the fact that I keep getting the contestants confused!
Take for example Richard and Jen both pictured above. Which one is which, you ask? Good freakin' question! Both have Sonic the Hedgehog faux-hawks, both have goofy smiles, and both are lesbians. Oh sorry only one of them is, my bad.
Now having watched every episode this season, I of course know that Richard is the dorky straight oaf who likes to prepare his dishes with wacky blowtorches and water balloons and I know that Jen is the San Francisco lesbian wants to win the competition for her recently booted girlfriend and when she's angry she kicks folding chairs. But during quick camera shots of either in the kitchen, I'll be damned if I can tell them apart.
So it's a good thing Jen got sent home last night. Now there will only be one egotistical spiky haired competitor who rambles on and on about how genius they are. Perfect!
If only my conundrums ended there. But alas there's my constant mixing up of flaming douche bag Andrew and flaming douche bag Spike. Not only do these two look alike but both of them have identical a-hole personalities! It's like watching clones of the turds who sat behind you in History class perform their own version of "The Parent Trap". To make matters worse, they were on the same team last night. Double the irritating comments! Double the junior high jokes! Double the douche bags! Surprisingly though, Team Dipshit turned out a simple soup that rocked the judges world. So it looks as though my "who's more annoying- Spike or Andrew?" contest will continue.
This biggest puzzlement of all however is why in the hell am I watching Top Chef in the first place?! Well, in it's defense, last season was really good and had really talented chefs that were easy to root for. And it's a far better show than the hideous Hell's Kitchen.
But this season has been a flop. The chefs are an unruly, bratty bunch and while that's been my personal experience in real life with most chefs, it's far from entertaining to watch on television. Also, the corny Chicago challenges aren't helping matters. From deep dish pizza to cooking for the cast of Second City, the show has left no Chicago cliche unexploited. What's next? Cater a dinner party for Gayle King using only wind powered appliances?
And the perplexing, mysteries don't end there. Like who exactly did Queer Eye's Ted Allen piss off at Bravo as he only appears on the episodes with the weakest challenges? And why is Padma so grumpy this year? And am I the only one who gets excited when they show the shelves filled with the "Glad family of products"? Don't answer that last one.
Naturally, I'll continue to watch as I'm already sucked in (thanks, Bravo, you buttholes!) and I'll continue to laugh at Spike and the silly hats he wears. Or is that Andrew? Like it matters.
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