Fav 5 Songs of the Week

Once again, here's a little list of songs that I heart.

1.)"Black Cat", Ladytron- A dark, industiral flavored new single from the band that never stops amazing me. Also amazing- you can get it for free on their website!

2.)"Carnies", Martina Topley-Bird- So nice to have her back since I played her first album into the ground. "Carnies" is a fun little taste of new things to come.

3.)"We Won't Break", Zoot Woman- Another act whose presence has been missed, Zoot Woman comes back with a vengence with this dancey and defiant track. 

4.) "Kittin is High", Miss Kittin- More sexy, tongue in cheek dance music from the first lady of electro! It's a must for mixed tapes and tranny dance-offs alike.

5.) "Working Class Hero", Cyndi Lauper- This John Lennon cover isn't exactly Marianne Faithful. But Cyndi kills it, as usual and she looks awesome!

Enjoy your weekend!

For the Birds

I'm an animal lover but I just don't get birds. I don't. Sure they're beautiful when they fly and they're used to symbolize everything from God to automobiles. Whatever. They still kind of freak me out. I mean they have these weird beady eyes and they're always moving around like some meth addict looking for a VCR to reassemble. And being surrounded by birds is the most uncomfortable feeling in the world.  Like when I was eating coffee cake and reading the paper downtown LA Starbucks a few years ago and I looked up and my table was filled with dozens of tiny little birds just staring at me. Eww. I shrieked like a girl and nearly scalded my crouch with hot coffee.

 So songs about birds are even more baffling to me. For every one decent ditty about the winged creatures, there are like  40 really horrible ones. These songs inevitably feature rhymes about "fly,sky, high, cry, eye" and are usually meant to be uplifting. Instead they just end up sounding stupid or really campy.

Take for example, Like a Bird by Nelly Furtado. Please. Granted this song had it's moment in pop culture but have you heard it recently? Yeesh. It didn't age well and you realize that Furtado made a wise move by currently singing about "Promiscuous Girl's and the like. All this mumbo jumbo about not knowing where her home is and flying away would make anybody put on some booty shorts and hook-up with Timbaland.

 Worse yet is "White Dove" by The Scorpions. Yes, those Scorpions. Lyrics like "white dove fly with the wind" are bad enough but the children's choir in the middle is totally unforgivable.Oh yeah and there's this "I Wanna Know What Love Is"-type of solo that comes out of nowhere. However, lead singer Klaus Meine's thick German accent still makes me chuckle. 

 The funniest song about birds, in my book, has to be "Fly, Robin, Fly" by the Silver Convention. This repetitive disco jam is just goofy. Other than "up, up, up to the sky!" it consists solely of repeating the title and a porno baseline. I've often thought about performing this in karaoke just to drive people nuts but as you can tell from the video, I could never live up to such a riveting performance. 

Another winged guilty pleasure is Anne Murray's "Snowbird". Sounding like the bastard child of a Christmas song and something they'd play on a log ride, "Snowbird" was a dentist's office staple back in the day. And this dusty, chestnut just gets cornier with time. I'm not really sure if she's talking to an actual bird or using it as a metaphor but whatever the hell it is, it sure is funny!

Leave it to ABBA to knock  out the competition with "Eagle". There's all the Swedish sugar you'd expect from an ABBA jam plus it contains 40% more cliches than the other songs about birds! Not only do the ESL lyricists meet the requisite "fly, high, sky" quota but they manage to incorporate other aspects of nature like "Over mountains and forests and seas

and to go anywhere that I please."Nicely done, Benny & Bjorn but you're not the worst.

No, that honor goes to James Taylor and Carly Simon's "Mockingbird". This is the rare type of duet that really makes the listener wish they could have ears ripped off by a crazed seagull. Truthfully, this song could end up on other lists like "worst songs by white people pretending to have soul"  or "worst songs by couples who've since divorced. But I think it's also the worst bird song ever. Much like that fine feathered friend who sits outside your window and squawks endlessly, "Mockingbird" seems to go on forever and it's might make you crazy. I've had to hear it three times while writing this and I'm about to lose my shit.

I'm sure there's dozens more but all this bird talk is starting to wig me out. I mean, what if one them reads this, rallies the troops and wants more than just coffee cake this time?

 And I thought James Taylor's moustache was scary!

It's Friday Music Day, Bitch!

It's Music Day here at Bruised Peaches. Sorry I've been a tad buried this week. You know- life, work, guest coming in from out of town, and other mundane tasks to boring to even discuss. 

So to get the party started, I invite you to listen to this excellent Rick James track. After all, nothing kicks off your weekend like a spicy funk jam by a man who once burned a woman with his crack pipe. Seriously though, this song is far superior to some of his more well know hits and deserves new life. I'm not the only one to think this apparently, as Shivaree covered it on her last album. It's so easy to remember the crazy things about Rick James (like this lovely picture, which I'm sorry about by the way) that I often forget that he was an amazing producer and purveyor of infectious funk. His albums, in addition to the stellar work he did for Teena Marie  and the Mary Jane Girls dominated R&B in the early 80's and he's since been copied by nearly every producer under the sun. 

So Rick, I raise my glass (pipe?) and salute you! 

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

Happy Cinco De Mayo, kids! In celebration, I thought I'd share some of my favorite videos that are  muy caliente!

1.) "Love Will Keep Us Together", Charo- Uhm. What is there to say really except this is one of the hottest yet silliest covers in musical history! Makes me wish I had the entire special, though.

2.) "Karma Chameleon" en Espanol- And this might be the second silliest. Swig back another margarita and enjoy.

3.) "Office Boy", Bonde Do Role- This spicy Brazilian group delivers another rocking party tune perfect for your fiesta. 

4.)Funny Lady on Cinco de Mayo- Ever wonder what your old volleyball coach looks like wasted dancing? Wonder no more. What makes it even cheesier is the fact that she knows how "hilarious" she is.

5.) "Van Nuys(Es Very Nice), Los Abandoned- An awesome track that's a few years old but still damn catchy. Her eyeshadow and the dance team are just added bonuses!

Rest In Peace, Men in Trees.

It was bound to happen. After being moved around ABC's schedule like a billion times and generally treated like a bastard at a family reunion, Men in Trees has been cancelled.  I'm pissed as I was a big fan of the show but I can't say I'm surprised. This is after all, the same network that gave Once and Again the axe, a move I'm still bitter about. 

The past season wasn't it's finest but I really blame the quality decline on the network's inability to properly promote the show leaving the show directionless and scrambling for viewers. The main thing I'll cherish about Men in Trees is my reintroduction to Anne Heche, the actress. Aside from the being Ellen's crazy ex-girlfriend, Heche is one hell of an actress. Men in Trees gave Heche the opportunity to shine comically while giving her some of the best dramatic scenes of her career. Fragile, strong, funny, and heartbroken Heche made Marin Frist a true television heroine to root for. I'll miss her and I'll miss seeing such a performance every week.

At it's heart, Men in Trees was a show about finding yourself and finding your own family. While it wasn't always brimming over with original ideas, this message was always sincere and real. Jenny Bicks, the shows creator, and the stellar cast should be proud of making it's viewers (regardless of how few) feel like they too were part of the family.  And that's no small feat.

Elmo, Alaska, we shall miss you.

It's Happened to Heidi

Remember when Heidi Klum was just another cold German supermodel who just showed up looked curvy and that was the end of it? Remember when Heidi would be pleasant on Project Runway without pushing her own agenda?

Well times have changed, honey. She's recording an album now. She has her own jewelry line. And as announced last week, she'll be moving Project Runway to LA(?!?) to accomodate her busy career and family life, which is HUGE mistake if you ask me because Project Runway without Bryant Park is like a cheeseburger without french fries! Not to mention the fact that LA, while it's many wonderful things, is NOT  a fashion capital. Never will be.

The bigger issue here is the Tyra-fication of Heidi. I mean can't you just host a reality show and be a model? Isn't that enough? Is an album really necessary? I'm all for turning yourself into a brand but what if it's a brand that nobody really wants to buy? I love Heidi and wish I could help her but it's too late. Once you've crossed over to the Celebrity Mogul Dark Side, it's impossible to come back. Personally, I think it's okay to just be an actor or just be a model without producing a line of fragrances or bath towels. Call me crazy.

 Oh well. Good for her, I guess, but I can't help wondering if Linda Evangelista is out there somewhere smoking and shaking her head in disgust.

Of Cyrus & Shields

By the time Brooke Shields was Miley Cyrus’ age, she had already played a child growing up in a whorehouse, appeared topless in Calvin Klein ads, and frolicked in the nude in The Blue Lagoon. So it boggles my mind that 30 years later we even care about Hannah Montana being wrapped in a sheet. True, it was the late 1970's when Brooke hit it big and the mindset regarding sexuality was pretty much one of "Who cares? Give me another bump of coke and turn that Sister Sledge record up!"Still, I can't help wondering if our uptight attitude regarding nudity hasn't set us back and that the real issue here is more sinister than we'd like to believe.

My issue of Vanity Fair arrived in my mailbox over the weekend and naturally I flipped to the pages with the infamous photos. Honestly, they are so not a big deal and I think Cyrus looks pretty for once,with all of her mall-rat glitter makeup and acid wash skirts stripped away. Moreover, the pictures are not in poor taste and  are tastefully done.

Still people are upset because they think these photos make this child look like a whore. Well, to paraphrase Cristal Connors from Showgirls “She is a whore, darling. We’re all whores.” The Cyrus family drained the “Achy Breaky” bank account years ago and found a gold mine in their daughter. People do what they have to do to pay the bills and in celebrity land photo shoots for magazines are just another means to an end. So I ain’t mad at them. The apologies piss me off, though. Even rednecks like the Cyrus clan have seen an Annie Leibovitz photo before so I’m not buying this whole “we didn’t know no better” b.s. They should have had the balls to either stick by the pictures or scrap the shoot in the first place. Instead, a fifteen year old is left taking a bullet for a decision that wasn't hers to make in the first place.

More offensive than the photos, in my mind, is allowing your child to take part in an insipidly written franchise that unabashedly dumbs down it’s audience. At least Pretty Baby was directed by Louis Malle and starred Susan Sarandon. My nieces love Hannah Montana but truly it’s because there are no other options for young girls. Boys get to follow the adventures of a wizard and girls are left watching a tween in a bad wig sing lame pop songs? Hardly seems fair. But at the risk of sounding like the love child of  Ed Anger and Naomi Wolf, I’ll leave that alone.

Bubbling underneath all of this, is our society's neverending enjoyment of dragging young women through the dirt. The article, and yes there is one, that accompanies the photos states that the tabloids have now started gunning for Cyrus. Personally, my paranoid ass believes the media wants us to obsess over things like Paris going to jail so we don’t stop and actually realize how messed up the country is. It’s like “Hey I was just looking at pictures of Britney’s cooter coming out of a limousine for six months and now all of the sudden we’re in a recession? What the Hell?” Also, I find it suspicious that it’s always female celebrities offered up to the public for slaughter. Other than Officer Sugartits herself, nobody even remembers what Mel Gibson did but if Lindsay Lohan runs into a tree, we demand that she be publicly beheaded and that she never work again. But like I said I’m paranoid.

Brooke Shields has been a successful actress, written a bestselling book, and even won a battle with Tom Cruise so I'm not worried about Miley Cyrus. She'll be fine. If pop culture has taught us anything it's that everybody loves a survivor and I'm sure she'll be crying on Oprah's couch soon enough. In the meantime while we wait for her to screw up again, there's always the Spears sisters, Paris and Amy Winehouse.