Dear Carrie Underwood,

First off, let me say I love you. I do. Your brand of country pop isn't exactly my cup of tea but you've got some killer pipes and you seem like a nice person which makes what I'm about to say all the more painful. 

Last night's outfit on the American Idol finale was the last straw. I've put up with your never ending love of dressy shorts and sparkly tops because you're a country star and your fashion rules are different from the rest of us.  But honey, forgetting your pants and draping yourself in Charmin Ultra Soft is where I draw the line. Less of a fashion statement and more of a cry for help, this ensemble actually made me sad. 

It brings a tear to my I when I think of a star like yourself being unable to find the right homosexual to make these choices for you. I emphasize the word "right" because assuming that one is a style guru just based on their sexual preference is foolish.  Just ask Paula Abdul, who surrounds herself with gays and still winds up looking like a cake topper at a quinceanera most of the time. A no-nonsense hip homo could have prevented this confounding stripper-meets-televangelist nightmare from ever happening.

 Also, it concerns me that the people around you aren't being honest with you. Is there no one in your life to look you in the eye and say "No, Carrie. That's hideous"? Everyone, famous or not, requires an inner circle of confidants to tell us no on a regular basis. Without folks like this, how would we ever know if we had spinach in our teeth or if our jeans made us look fat? Carrie, I'd be that person for you, no questions asked. Just say the word and I'll tell you to not wear a side ponytail with a dress that looks like a doily.  Not because I judge you but because I care.

In closing, I'd like to add that your not the only Idol in need of help, so don't feel bad. Poor Jordin Sparks looked like a Wurther's Original last night in her gold mumu and orange nail polish. And the less said about Fantasia's pink hair, the better. Even my beloved Kelly Clarkson has made some fashion belly flops. 

Point is, Carrie your gorgeous and you deserve better. Leave the toilet paper at home next time, remember to put on your pants, and you always have the red carpets at the Grammys or a billion country awards shows to redeem yourself. 

Love ya,

Peach

It's Happened to Heidi

Remember when Heidi Klum was just another cold German supermodel who just showed up looked curvy and that was the end of it? Remember when Heidi would be pleasant on Project Runway without pushing her own agenda?

Well times have changed, honey. She's recording an album now. She has her own jewelry line. And as announced last week, she'll be moving Project Runway to LA(?!?) to accomodate her busy career and family life, which is HUGE mistake if you ask me because Project Runway without Bryant Park is like a cheeseburger without french fries! Not to mention the fact that LA, while it's many wonderful things, is NOT  a fashion capital. Never will be.

The bigger issue here is the Tyra-fication of Heidi. I mean can't you just host a reality show and be a model? Isn't that enough? Is an album really necessary? I'm all for turning yourself into a brand but what if it's a brand that nobody really wants to buy? I love Heidi and wish I could help her but it's too late. Once you've crossed over to the Celebrity Mogul Dark Side, it's impossible to come back. Personally, I think it's okay to just be an actor or just be a model without producing a line of fragrances or bath towels. Call me crazy.

 Oh well. Good for her, I guess, but I can't help wondering if Linda Evangelista is out there somewhere smoking and shaking her head in disgust.

Ideas For J-Lo's New Reality Show?

So I guess Jennifer Lopez won't be filming Angel Eyes 2 anytime soon. I read here that she's filming a reality show for TLC that chronicles her day to day life. Yawn. How many more of these "celebrities live fabulous and interesting lives" series do we need? 

 The lives of Ozzy Osbourne, Anna Nicole Smith, Paula Abdul, Tanya Tucker, Run-DMC, Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown, Kimora Lee Simmons, Kathy Griffin, Tori Spelling, Scott Baio, Gene Simmons(not related to Kimora, by the way), Victoria Gotti, Jessica and Ashlee Simpson, Janice Dickinson and her models, Janice Dickinson and some person named Abbie, Nick Carter and his family, Paris and Nicole and of course Britney and Kevin have all been filmed, edited, and regurgitated by now. Celeb-reality is so over, Jen.

Personally, I think Jenny from the block would be better suited to judge a reality show because while her prickly diva-is demeanor is a draw for drag queens it's not exactly the kind of thing everybody warms up to. Her "bitchzilla" reputation would be perfectly suited to judge shows like  So You Think You Can Act?, America's Next Butt Model, Project Fly Girl, and Celebrity Perfume Smackdown.

What do you think? Do you want to watch Jen and Marc change dirty diapers? Or would you rather hear La Lopez critique clueless contestants? And what would her perfect show be? Sound off in the comments section below!

Carly Smithson, this year's Latoya London.

Last night when Carly Smithson was booted off American Idol, Simon said she could leave the competiton "with her head held high."And I agree! Carly joins the ranks of other prematurely ejected Idols who's talent surpassed that of the other competitors. 

Think waaay back to Season 3, when the brilliant Latoya London was knocked out of the top three by the ridiculous Jasmine Trias. Trias, a pretty but dull girl from Hawaii who sounded like she should be singing in the lounge of an airport Ramada Inn. London had buckets of talent but unfortunately she didn't have an entire state voting for her like Trias so she was (unfairly) sent packing. Since then, Latoya has released some decent singles and toured with The Color Purple. Not bad but she should have been so much bigger. 

Watch this for evidence: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yq4rRuSMDNI

In the end, it's just reality TV. And Carly will be fine. And the world won't completely collapse if Jason Castro wins. I mean we survived Taylor Hicks, didn't we? So it doesn't matter too much.

 After all, when it comes to voting in real elections America always picks the best candidate for the job. Oh wait. Never mind. Maybe we are all going to hell in a handbasket.

A Day Late & A Dollar Short!

Poor Carmen Electra! The Emmy's are giving out an award this year for "Best Reality Show" host and since her show "Manhunt: The Search For America's Most Gorgeous Male Model" is no longer on the air she is unable to be considered for this category.

 It's unfortunate too since Carmen did some stellar hosting unlike anything I've ever seen. Made for about $37 bucks Manhunt was a brain-rotting reality show that makes Flavor of Love look like a Sam Shepard play. 

With the personality of a wet English muffin, the Electress would eliminate potential JC Pennys models by saying her catch-phrase- "This is your Last Shot." Classic.

Sure, she's no Samantha Harris or Amanda Byram but she was as good at hosting a reality show as she is as strip-aerobics. Oh well, Carmen. You're better off. The Emmy's are a rigged, racist, bullshit awards show and a talent like yours could never be appreciated by them. 

In the meantime, I'd like to pay tribute by sharing this with the world:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHzH5cJnFZ8