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Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Where's Her Fucking Biopic?


If you only watched movies and never listened to music, then you would honestly believe that Tina Turner, Patsy Cline, June Carter Cash, Billie Holiday, and Loretta Lynne were the only female artists to ever exist in popular music. That's a bit of an exaggeration, true but it's not too far off from the reality. And no, Made-For-TV movies about Karen Carpenter and Dottie West do not count, so don't even go there. And while your at it save your "What about The Rose?" rebuttal for someone doesn't know that the brilliant Bette Midler film was only loosely based on Janis Joplin's life and not an actual biopic. 

So why the lack of love for the lives of women in music? It's not as if there's a shortage of material to draw from. Films about Stevie Nicks, Nina Simone, Tammy Wynette, or Ella Fitzgerald could be at least as interesting as those about Ray Charles or Buddy Holly. Proposed movies about The Go-Gos, Sarah Vaughn, and Aretha Franklin have never seen the light of day but I think it's high time to get the ball rolling.

In my mind, the life story of Pretenders lead singer Chrissie Hynde would be the perfect place to start. Think of the plot: Small town Ohio girl moves to London, works at Vivenne Westwood and Malcolm McLaren's clothing store SEX with members of punk bands like The Sex Pistols, starts her own band, has a daughter with Kinks lead singer Ray Davies, tops the charts even though a few of her bandmates die,  marries Simple Minds' front man Jim Kerr, starts shit as an animal rights activist, and moves to Brazil to find herself! Hynde's perseverance and unlikely hero status are the things great biographical films are made of. Chrissie herself has said her lyrics really tell the story of her life, so the movie could be packed with awesome Pretenders songs. Hell, it could even be a musical! I think Talk of the Town or Precious would make great titles. Brilliant, right? 

There you go Hollywood. Make it happen and your welcome, by the way. When your finished with that, call me. I have a fabulous idea for a Wendy O. Williams film but don't even think about asking for my Grace Jones pitch. I'm afraid you'd really screw that up.

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