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Thursday, September 11, 2008

Not Over but Over There

A wise woman once said "It's not over but it's over there". That genius was Carrie Fisher and it explains perfectly how I feel about yesterday, September 11th. Do I hurt like I did on that day? No. But are those feelings still lurking around a corner somewhere? Hell yes. Have I found a way to move past what I felt that day? Of course. But will I ever return to being the same hopeful person I once was? Hell no.

So that's where we all float. Between over it and over there. We carry the load of victims of Katrina on our backs like school kids with overstuffed backpacks. We shake our heads at video footage of the Tsunami. And we dread the month of September not just because crappy television shows that we never watched will somehow be returning but because we will be forced to remember a time where we saw the world around us crumble before our very eyes. Still, somehow we place it over there in a place where it hurts but it won't kill us.
I'm guilty of being the first person to shout out "I don't want to talk about it" or "It's too depressing" when that ugly date has shown it's face on my calendar for the last seven years. I have no shame when it comes to playing the "it's too painful card". This is a luxury, I know and a silly one at that. But it comes in handy when avoiding an event that is unsavory. 

Still, I needed something else to replace September 11th as the day chaos reigned supreme. And low and behold this year I got it. Yesterday, my friend  and coworker Mario from Mexico officially became a US citizen. He has worked his ass off for over five years to make this happen so when he told me  months ago that his ceremony was to be held on September 11th, I said "Oh god" instead of "congratulations!" or "good for you!" I was presented with the opportunity to make a bad day not just go over there but to  go away entirely and instead I let some silly numbers invoke negativity. 

Strangely enough, I woke up yesterday morning with a sense of peace and happiness. Truth be told, I did not remember it was September 11th until late in the day. I did remember early on that my friend was attending his citizenship ceremony. I was content in the morning and I did not run for the television screen to see what did or did not happen. I felt happy that my friend would soon be rewarded for all his hard work. Period.

So has my hurt regarding "that day" dissipated completely? No and I don't think it ever will. But is it almost done being "over there"? Definitely. 

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